And ya'll got new toys!

I was telling Sydney about how chicken feet have liters (sp?) inside which they pull to make their toes curl. I showed her in my wrist how when I make a fist my tendons in my wrist stick out, and that's what curls my fingers into a fist. Then the conversation went a little like this:

Shana: So you see this right here? Your muscles pull those and your fingers curl. That's how a chicken's feet do it, by pulling those "strings".
Sydney: (Checking her wrist) Mine hardly sticks out at all.
Shana: When WE were little, Paw Paw used to kill a chicken for us to eat you know...
Sydney: (interrupting without hesitation) AND YA'LL GOT NEW TOYS!

Ted's Songs

I'm Popeye the sailor man!

I live in the Aflac's can! (etc.)

The itsy bitsy Aflac went up the water spout. 

Down came the rain and washed the Aflac out.

Out came the sun and dried up all the Aflac blood.

And the itsy bitsy Aflac could not go up again.

Three blind mice.  Three blind mice.

See how they run.  See how they run.

They all ran after the farmer's wife.

She cut off their tails with a carving knife.

You've never seen such a sight in my life.

As three blind mice.

Ted said, "That was so sad that even I am trying not to smile!"

I called the witchdoctor he told me what to do

I called the witchdoctor he told me what to say

I know that you'll be mine when I say this to you:

Ooo Eee Ooo Ahh Ahh

Ting Tang Aflacaflacaflac

Ooo Eee Ooo Ahh Ahh

Aflac-a-lack-a-lack-a-Aflac!

Ted's Letter to Santa - Age 4

I love you, dear Santa.  Ted

Dear Santa,

You get one cookie for Christmas, Santa.  If there are Christmas trees on the cup, then it is your cup, Santa.  You can bring it home if you want because it has Christmas trees on it.  If we had a Christmas tree plate, then you could have it too, dear Santa.  If it has snow on it, then you can borrow it.  If our clock has Christmas trees and snow on it, then you can borrow it and then you can bring it home, dear Santa. 

I want you to bring me a Power Rangers Christmas present with Power Rangers all over the wrapper.  If we leave you a present in the middle of the floor and it is a bell, then you can borrow it and bring it home IF the bell has a Santa fishing on it.  If it has a snowman on it, then you will think it is yours to bring in the snow and then bring it to put on your Christmas tree at your house.  A funny or "cool one" present or a Batman or Power Rangers one is good.  If Barret gets babies on his present, then he will think it is his and he will be pleeeeased.  A princess one for Karlee one please. 

Maybe if there are Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Santa on our TV, then Santa will be pleeeeased.  Santa can carry it on his sleigh, because his sleigh is strong. 

First you will give us our present and then you will eat the cookie and then be sugared up so he can like to stay awake all night.  The refrigerator is a hiding place for the sweet tea.  You can't have the sweet tea, just the milk.  And the cookie. 

Ted (Age 4)

I love you, dear Santa. 

(Karlee's Letter below)

Dear Santa,

I hope you have a nice Christmas.  And Santa, no tea 'cause the frigerator is the hiding place for the tea.  Dear Santa, you can have the Santa bell to hang on your tree, but bring it back.  And Santa, don't leave the presents till you eat your cookie first.  Thank you for coming to granny's house and bringing us a jingle bell movie. 

Karlee (Age 4)

(Santa's Letter to all the kids)

Dear Ted, Karlee, Ethan, Barret and Luke,

I drank all of the tea.  Ho! Ho! Ho!  I hope you all like your presents.  I made more tea so I wouldn't get a time-out.  Ho! Ho! Ho!  Thanks for the cookie and the milk.  I already have some Christmas tree and snow glasses, so I left yours on the table.  Barret's present is in the baby pacifier paper.  Ted, I ran out of Power Ranger paper before I got to Alabama, so I used my special Incredibles paper and Santa paper for yours.  Thanks for the bell to put on my tree!  I was pleeeeased.

Love,

Santa

(Ted and Karlee were so PO'd that Santa drank the sweet tea, and thought he should get a punishment anyway, even though he made more, because Santa "wasn't listening very good" and wasn't "minding". You should have seen the fire in their eyes as I read the letter to them.  They went from grinning ear to ear, to mad wrinkled brows and pouty mouths instantly, as soon as I said, "I drank all the tea."  They didn't even look at each other, they were just both instantly mad.)

 Love, Stacy

Ted and Jake Go to Yellowstone

Ted and his friend Jake have been writing chapters of Magic Tree House books back and forth.  Here is Ted's newest chapter.  I think he'll be a good writer someday!  I plan on having him start out with my hanger articles next week.   

Ted and Jake Go to Yellowstone

Ted and Jake went into the Frog Creek Woods in Pennsylvania and they climbed up into the Magic Tree House.  They found a book that said "Yellowstone" on it.  They said, "We wish we could go there."  The wind started to blow, the tree house started to spin.  It went faster and faster and then everything was still.  Absolutely still.

They looked out the window and saw a bunch o' bison tooting into a gyser.  One bison was actually sitting on a gyser and it shot him all the way to outer space!  A gyser is a hole in the ground.  It does stink like a toot for real!  It is full of steam and hot water.  It blows out of the hole and stinks even worse than before.  

Jake was like, "Wow! It really does stink for real!"  He had never seen a gyser before.  Ted said, "Let's go sit on one like the bison!"  They started down the ladder.  They went to sit on the gyser like they wanted to.  Jake said, "Are you sure about this Ted?"  Ted said, "Of course, Jake.  This is a great choice for travelling.  It will be much faster than walking. It might send us right where the thing is that we need for our mission."

They sit on Old Faithful and wait for the stinkin' explosion.  They peed in the gyser to increase the pressure.  "It worked!" said Jake as they shot all the way to Pluto.  Luckily, there was a big trampoline there that bounced them all the way back to Yellowstone.  Ted said, "That was fun!"

They landed at the top of a huge waterfall that looked like a river dumping off a cliff.  It was so loud that they couldn't hear each other's toots.  They threw some rocks in the big white water.  Then they saw a crazy chipmunk making nuts fall out of his mouth across the waterfall.  "It's gonna kill us by blasting nuts out of its mouth!" Ted screamed.  They tried to run, but it was too late.  The chipmunk already blasted a bomb nut into the air.  It opened up and missles shot out.  He shot even more nuts with missles!  

They stopped dead in their tracks when they saw a wolf howling right in their face.  Jake said, "Way-yah! Toot blasters to the rescue!" as he drop kicked the crazy howling tooting wolf into the humongous waterfall where it was drowned.  "Thank you, my friend." said Ted lovingly to his friend Jake.  

A moose walked by, so Jake hopped on it.  "Are you crazy?" said Ted.  "Come on Ted, he's nice, I can tell."  So, Ted hopped on.  They couldn't believe that a moose was almost as tall as the ceiling in their living room!  "Giddee Up Yah Yah!" said Jake.  "Where are we going?" Ted yelled to Jake.  "I don't know!" said Jake.  

They rode it all the way to the top of the mountain only stopping for the moose to eat lily pads.  They named it "Fred".  fred had some stinky toots, some horrible ones, from the stinkin' yucky lily pads, which Fred didn't really like, but he needed to leave a scent trail to find his way home.  Jake was nice and said, "It's okay Fred. It's not nice to smell your toots, my friend, but we know you have to find your way home. Right Fred?"

Fred took them to the top of the mountain in the cold snow.  Ted and Jake said, "Good-bye Fred."  They looked around and spotted a cave with a big hairy stinky bear hibernating in it.  "Shhhh." said Ted.  "I see a golden collar around its neck."  "There's also a medallion on it." said Jake.  "It must have come from a human that died from the hairy stinkin' bear having dinner." said Ted.  "And the bear thought that the golden collar was pretty and wanted to wear it forever!" said Jake.  "Our mission must be to get that collar!" said Ted.  

Jake just ran up and ripped it off of the bear's neck.  He didn't realize it, but he actually ripped the bear's head off trying to get the collar!  "Ooopsie." said Jake.  "MINE!"  Then Ted said, "No fair!"  "Let's just leave the head.  The slobber makes it too slippery to hold." said Jake.  

They rode an eagle almost all the way back to the tree house.  They jumped down and landed on an elk and killed it.  Then they noticed that there were a lot more animals under the elk and they killed them too.  "Let's get out of here before we kill something else!" said Jake.  So they went back in the tree house, found a book about the Frog Creek Woods and wished that they could go back there.  

The wind started to blow, the tree house started to spin faster and faster until everything was still.  Absolutely still.  They heard their Mom's yelling for them to come get some prickly pear stew.  Stacy and Ms. Jen were putting on the final finishing touches.  A cherry on top and a strawberry on top of that and they added a few drops of sugar.  

The End

Always check your child's homework.

I love you I hate you

This is the SADDEST note I've ever gotten.
Sydney was in trouble and sent to her room.
This is what was left on my pillow. (And yes it makes me sound like the worst mom EV-ERR)
(Imagine 2nd grade handwritten note on bright green post it paper)

"Mommy I am very sorry but uv'e ben so mean to me day After day After day so try to be a little better but rit now I have to say I hate you. Love, Sydney (heart)".

Then at the bottom is a Big heart with two smaller hearts inside, with "I love you" in the middle and another little heart.

Ted's writing assignment

Here's what Ted brought home from school:

I fed the dog and wcht the clos.  Clind my room and woched the bichis.  

Translation, as far as I can tell, "I fed the dog and washed the clothes.  Cleaned my room and wacked the bitches."

Love, Stacy

Try to be serious.........

We are not happy about our charcoal masks.  Not at all.

i knew we should've separated the cattle

see more pwn and owned pictures

Oh, Mommy, and wear pants too.

Yesterday I went on a field trip with Sydney. The night before, when she was putting out her clothes which is a special "field trip" shirt so that they all look alike, She told me this

Sydney: Mommy, do you have a field trip shirt?

Me: No, I don't have one.

Sydney: (thinking…) Well, you should probably wear a shirt to the field trip tomorrow.

Me: (looking at her funny) Well, I was kind of planning on wearing a shirt.

Sydney: (Walking off… turns back around and says) Oh, and mommy, wear pants too.

Me: I was just planning on wearing bra and panties.

Sydney: MOMMY! (laughing, hitting me) You are tricking me!!! (hit hit hit)