Sunday, November 23, 2008

Knuckle Bumpin' Everyone

I gave Ted a "real" haircut for the first time and it's soooooooo cute that I had to share, and brag on my haircutting skillz.  He really needed a haircut because he looked like one of the Beatles.  So, I asked him if he wanted it shaved like Barret, cut like Jakes (that's what he calls a normal haircut, slightly longer on top) or if he wanted to leave the top really long like Carter.  
He said that he wanted it short in the front with no bangs, but leave the back long.  I tried really hard not to laugh, just in case he seriously wanted a mullet, I didn't want to make it taboo so that he would always want a mullet.  But I absolutely DID NOT want to give him a mullet, so I said "Okay.  I'll just cut it to match the wig that Becky and Dad wore for Halloween.  You want a mullet, right?" This image entered his head:

 Of course he was like, "no no no! wait a minute. wait a minute.  I want a mohawk but not all the way back.  So, then I was happy because the faux hawk is SO cute and he's always been too embarrassed to spike his hair up.  So, now he has one and it's really cool.  He says that he looks like "a spikey faux hawk dude that goes around knuckle bumpin' everyone that he passes".  (That's like a high five with fists, for you old folks)  


I cannot look at these pictures without laughing!  It's too cute with no teeth.  When it turned out cute I told ted that I wished I had given Barret a faux hawk too.  I just shaved his really short for the EEG tomorrow.  But Ted thought that Barret was pleeeezed with his "no hawk" haircut.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

I thought I had KIDS not ADULTS!!!

SO... we're driving down I-65, me (Shana) and Sydney and Ally.
Then out of the clear blue sky drops this conversation:

Sydney to Mommy: "So, did John McCain just go back to his regular life?"
Mommy to Sydney (slightly amazed at this question): "Yes, he is still a senator in Washington DC." (Background: They had a mock election at their school)

Ally to Sydney (Mommy now excluded, Ally very serious and matter of fact): "Didn't you vote for Rock Obama?"
Sydney to Ally: "No, I voted for John McCain. Daddy voted for Barak Obama."
Ally to Sydney (now getting the name right): "Oh, I thought you voted for Barak Obama."
Sydney to Ally (equally serious and perfectly comfortable with this conversation): "Me and mommy voted for John McCain, and Daddy voted for Barak Obama."
Ally: "Oh, ok... Daddy won!"

Monday, October 27, 2008

And ya'll got new toys!

I was telling Sydney about how chicken feet have liters (sp?) inside which they pull to make their toes curl. I showed her in my wrist how when I make a fist my tendons in my wrist stick out, and that's what curls my fingers into a fist. Then the conversation went a little like this:

Shana: So you see this right here? Your muscles pull those and your fingers curl. That's how a chicken's feet do it, by pulling those "strings".
Sydney: (Checking her wrist) Mine hardly sticks out at all.
Shana: When WE were little, Paw Paw used to kill a chicken for us to eat you know...
Sydney: (interrupting without hesitation) AND YA'LL GOT NEW TOYS!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Ted's Songs

I'm Popeye the sailor man!
I live in the Aflac's can! (etc.)

The itsy bitsy Aflac went up the water spout. 
Down came the rain and washed the Aflac out.
Out came the sun and dried up all the Aflac blood.
And the itsy bitsy Aflac could not go up again.

Three blind mice.  Three blind mice.
See how they run.  See how they run.
They all ran after the farmer's wife.
She cut off their tails with a carving knife.
You've never seen such a sight in my life.
As three blind mice.

Ted said, "That was so sad that even I am trying not to smile!"

I called the witchdoctor he told me what to do
I called the witchdoctor he told me what to say
I know that you'll be mine when I say this to you:
Ooo Eee Ooo Ahh Ahh
Ting Tang Aflacaflacaflac
Ooo Eee Ooo Ahh Ahh
Aflac-a-lack-a-lack-a-Aflac!



Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Ted's Letter to Santa - Age 4

I love you, dear Santa.  Ted

Dear Santa,

You get one cookie for Christmas, Santa.  If there are Christmas trees on the cup, then it is your cup, Santa.  You can bring it home if you want because it has Christmas trees on it.  If we had a Christmas tree plate, then you could have it too, dear Santa.  If it has snow on it, then you can borrow it.  If our clock has Christmas trees and snow on it, then you can borrow it and then you can bring it home, dear Santa. 

I want you to bring me a Power Rangers Christmas present with Power Rangers all over the wrapper.  If we leave you a present in the middle of the floor and it is a bell, then you can borrow it and bring it home IF the bell has a Santa fishing on it.  If it has a snowman on it, then you will think it is yours to bring in the snow and then bring it to put on your Christmas tree at your house.  A funny or "cool one" present or a Batman or Power Rangers one is good.  If Barret gets babies on his present, then he will think it is his and he will be pleeeeased.  A princess one for Karlee one please. 

Maybe if there are Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Santa on our TV, then Santa will be pleeeeased.  Santa can carry it on his sleigh, because his sleigh is strong. 

First you will give us our present and then you will eat the cookie and then be sugared up so he can like to stay awake all night.  The refrigerator is a hiding place for the sweet tea.  You can't have the sweet tea, just the milk.  And the cookie. 

Ted (Age 4)

I love you, dear Santa. 

(Karlee's Letter below)

Dear Santa,

I hope you have a nice Christmas.  And Santa, no tea 'cause the frigerator is the hiding place for the tea.  Dear Santa, you can have the Santa bell to hang on your tree, but bring it back.  And Santa, don't leave the presents till you eat your cookie first.  Thank you for coming to granny's house and bringing us a jingle bell movie. 

Karlee (Age 4)

(Santa's Letter to all the kids)

Dear Ted, Karlee, Ethan, Barret and Luke,

I drank all of the tea.  Ho! Ho! Ho!  I hope you all like your presents.  I made more tea so I wouldn't get a time-out.  Ho! Ho! Ho!  Thanks for the cookie and the milk.  I already have some Christmas tree and snow glasses, so I left yours on the table.  Barret's present is in the baby pacifier paper.  Ted, I ran out of Power Ranger paper before I got to Alabama, so I used my special Incredibles paper and Santa paper for yours.  Thanks for the bell to put on my tree!  I was pleeeeased.

Love,

Santa

(Ted and Karlee were so PO'd that Santa drank the sweet tea, and thought he should get a punishment anyway, even though he made more, because Santa "wasn't listening very good" and wasn't "minding". You should have seen the fire in their eyes as I read the letter to them.  They went from grinning ear to ear, to mad wrinkled brows and pouty mouths instantly, as soon as I said, "I drank all the tea."  They didn't even look at each other, they were just both instantly mad.)

 Love, Stacy

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Ted and Jake Go to Yellowstone

Ted and his friend Jake have been writing chapters of Magic Tree House books back and forth.  Here is Ted's newest chapter.  I think he'll be a good writer someday!  I plan on having him start out with my hanger articles next week.   
Ted and Jake Go to Yellowstone

Ted and Jake went into the Frog Creek Woods in Pennsylvania and they climbed up into the Magic Tree House.  They found a book that said "Yellowstone" on it.  They said, "We wish we could go there."  The wind started to blow, the tree house started to spin.  It went faster and faster and then everything was still.  Absolutely still.

They looked out the window and saw a bunch o' bison tooting into a gyser.  One bison was actually sitting on a gyser and it shot him all the way to outer space!  A gyser is a hole in the ground.  It does stink like a toot for real!  It is full of steam and hot water.  It blows out of the hole and stinks even worse than before.  

Jake was like, "Wow! It really does stink for real!"  He had never seen a gyser before.  Ted said, "Let's go sit on one like the bison!"  They started down the ladder.  They went to sit on the gyser like they wanted to.  Jake said, "Are you sure about this Ted?"  Ted said, "Of course, Jake.  This is a great choice for travelling.  It will be much faster than walking. It might send us right where the thing is that we need for our mission."

They sit on Old Faithful and wait for the stinkin' explosion.  They peed in the gyser to increase the pressure.  "It worked!" said Jake as they shot all the way to Pluto.  Luckily, there was a big trampoline there that bounced them all the way back to Yellowstone.  Ted said, "That was fun!"

They landed at the top of a huge waterfall that looked like a river dumping off a cliff.  It was so loud that they couldn't hear each other's toots.  They threw some rocks in the big white water.  Then they saw a crazy chipmunk making nuts fall out of his mouth across the waterfall.  "It's gonna kill us by blasting nuts out of its mouth!" Ted screamed.  They tried to run, but it was too late.  The chipmunk already blasted a bomb nut into the air.  It opened up and missles shot out.  He shot even more nuts with missles!  

They stopped dead in their tracks when they saw a wolf howling right in their face.  Jake said, "Way-yah! Toot blasters to the rescue!" as he drop kicked the crazy howling tooting wolf into the humongous waterfall where it was drowned.  "Thank you, my friend." said Ted lovingly to his friend Jake.  

A moose walked by, so Jake hopped on it.  "Are you crazy?" said Ted.  "Come on Ted, he's nice, I can tell."  So, Ted hopped on.  They couldn't believe that a moose was almost as tall as the ceiling in their living room!  "Giddee Up Yah Yah!" said Jake.  "Where are we going?" Ted yelled to Jake.  "I don't know!" said Jake.  

They rode it all the way to the top of the mountain only stopping for the moose to eat lily pads.  They named it "Fred".  fred had some stinky toots, some horrible ones, from the stinkin' yucky lily pads, which Fred didn't really like, but he needed to leave a scent trail to find his way home.  Jake was nice and said, "It's okay Fred. It's not nice to smell your toots, my friend, but we know you have to find your way home. Right Fred?"

Fred took them to the top of the mountain in the cold snow.  Ted and Jake said, "Good-bye Fred."  They looked around and spotted a cave with a big hairy stinky bear hibernating in it.  "Shhhh." said Ted.  "I see a golden collar around its neck."  "There's also a medallion on it." said Jake.  "It must have come from a human that died from the hairy stinkin' bear having dinner." said Ted.  "And the bear thought that the golden collar was pretty and wanted to wear it forever!" said Jake.  "Our mission must be to get that collar!" said Ted.  

Jake just ran up and ripped it off of the bear's neck.  He didn't realize it, but he actually ripped the bear's head off trying to get the collar!  "Ooopsie." said Jake.  "MINE!"  Then Ted said, "No fair!"  "Let's just leave the head.  The slobber makes it too slippery to hold." said Jake.  

They rode an eagle almost all the way back to the tree house.  They jumped down and landed on an elk and killed it.  Then they noticed that there were a lot more animals under the elk and they killed them too.  "Let's get out of here before we kill something else!" said Jake.  So they went back in the tree house, found a book about the Frog Creek Woods and wished that they could go back there.  

The wind started to blow, the tree house started to spin faster and faster until everything was still.  Absolutely still.  They heard their Mom's yelling for them to come get some prickly pear stew.  Stacy and Ms. Jen were putting on the final finishing touches.  A cherry on top and a strawberry on top of that and they added a few drops of sugar.  

The End

Always check your child's homework.

I love you I hate you

This is the SADDEST note I've ever gotten.
Sydney was in trouble and sent to her room.
This is what was left on my pillow. (And yes it makes me sound like the worst mom EV-ERR)
(Imagine 2nd grade handwritten note on bright green post it paper)

"Mommy I am very sorry but uv'e ben so mean to me day After day After day so try to be a little better but rit now I have to say I hate you. Love, Sydney (heart)".

Then at the bottom is a Big heart with two smaller hearts inside, with "I love you" in the middle and another little heart.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Ted's writing assignment

Here's what Ted brought home from school:

I fed the dog and wcht the clos.  Clind my room and woched the bichis.  

Translation, as far as I can tell, "I fed the dog and washed the clothes.  Cleaned my room and wacked the bitches."

Love, Stacy

Friday, October 10, 2008

Try to be serious.........

We are not happy about our charcoal masks.  Not at all.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Oh, Mommy, and wear pants too.

Yesterday I went on a field trip with Sydney. The night before, when she was putting out her clothes which is a special "field trip" shirt so that they all look alike, She told me this

Sydney: Mommy, do you have a field trip shirt?

Me: No, I don't have one.

Sydney: (thinking…) Well, you should probably wear a shirt to the field trip tomorrow.

Me: (looking at her funny) Well, I was kind of planning on wearing a shirt.

Sydney: (Walking off… turns back around and says) Oh, and mommy, wear pants too.

Me: I was just planning on wearing bra and panties.

Sydney: MOMMY! (laughing, hitting me) You are tricking me!!! (hit hit hit)

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Chicken Dance

NEVER pass up an opportunity to do the chicken dance.
Shana

Friday, September 26, 2008

Bama, Boxes & Blogging - a Recap of my Last Month

just wanted to give y'all an update since i've been out of touch for a bit. this is partly due to the fact that we have been moving...combined with the fact that both of us work full time plus i am a student of web design, plus i play on 2 soccer teams and still manage to perform spectacularly as the matriarch of my household, all while upholding my southern-woman responsibility of looking beautiful (ha) :D

it's a good (hectic) life.

matt and i just moved into a new place..we're still living in the midst of boxes and chaos, but we've got a functional bed, toilet and alabama-football-watchin'-spot, so we're good for now. we moved last friday and made it a priority that we'd be ready to watch the alabama game on good ole pay-per-view (damn texas) at 11:30 the next morning..even if it meant sitting 3 feet from the tv in the midst of a sea of boxes. this weekend, we'll be watching the Alabama v. Georgia game in the same sea of boxes, minus maybe one or two.

this weekend is also the Austin City Limits music festival, which sadly we will not be attending. apparently while we weren't paying attention, we got old and domesticated, or at least we will feel that way saturday when we go to our friend's 2-year-old son's birthday party followed by another friend's baby shower, instead of spending the day watching bands, drinking and acting like normal unmarried, childless people our age. or maybe it's the $200 per person price tag that kept us from going...we can go with that for now.

it's friday and i still have t-minus 59 minutes of work. but luckily, fridays at my office = happy hour, making the end of the week much more bearable :)

for those of y'all who don't know, we will be in the great state of Alabama in November to watch Alabama whoop Auburn in Tuscaloosa, my former home!! needless to say we are so excited and already counting the days. it will be thanksgiving, matt's 28th birthday and the momentous day when I finally get to watch alabama beat auburn.

Before the inevitable starts, NO, we will NOT be going to Huntsville on that trip! We are already driving to B-ham (12 hours) and we don't have that much time. if any of you huntsvillians wants to meet us 1/10th of the way, you are welcome to come to B-ham that Friday (after turkey day) and visit :) saturday we'll be gone to t-town to get started on the drinking fest that precedes all alabama games, regardless of the time they start.

ROLL TIDE!

~Pam

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Ted's Sandwich

I taught Ted how to have a staring contest last night.  He's really good, as I once was.  *sigh* Everything is just too funny to me now, coming out of a 6 year old's mouth, anyway.  Here's about how it went:

Ted: On your mark, get set, I'm going to poop in my bed tonight so you'll have to clean it up...GO!

Ted: On your mark, get set, I'm going to knock out all my teeth and make you eat them while you're asleep....GO!

Ted:  On your mark, get set, I'm going to have diarrhea in a cup and then drink it, yum,.....GO!

Ted:  On your mark, get set, I'm going to get up after you go to sleep and make you an eyebrow hair, booger and teeth sandwich that you can eat for breakfast....GO!

Ted:  On your mark, get set, I'm going to shave off all of my hair, eyelashes and eyebrows, then run around the house screaming that I can't stop tooting even for a second......GO!

Ted: On your mark, get set, I'm going to fart so bad that the whole room will turn brown and your eyelids will rot off.....GO!

Ted:  On your mark, get set, I'm going to make you a shirt out of eyelids and make you wear it to the grocery store.....GO!

I think that he may be a little disturbed....but he won.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Shana and Ally's Conversation on the way home from Daycare.


Shana: "So, Ally, your birthday is coming up (actually Christmas). What do you think you want?"

Ally: (thinking)

Shana: "Would you like to go someplace special?"

Ally: (no hesitation) "Yes! Panera Bread!"

Shana: (laughing)

Ally: (thinks a minute)

Ally: "And you know what mommy? I like Corvettes."

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Rules of the Redneck Wedding for Yankees (i.e. anyone north of Jackson)

If you are a yankee invited to a Redneck Wedding, there are some rules that you must follow.  
1. Be prepared to admit that rednecks make purdier kids than you.


2. Jelly light up flip-flops are considered appropriate dress shoes before Labor Day in the south.


3. Make sure that the bride knows that she's the purdiest one in the bar. "Ooooooooo-WEEE!" is rarely lost in translation by the redneck bride.


4. It isn't polite to tell new family members that they are gay, over and over again, no matter how gay they might appear to be.

5. Make sure that no one is drunker'n you at the reception.

6. Don't let the cows out when you arrive at the church in your best Sunday dress.

7. One hour before the wedding, you have to get drunk in the woods while rustlin' up some grub with your family.

8. When attending a redneck wedding, you wash yo' chillins in the creek as to not waste any gettin' drunk time before the ceremony.

Follow these rules and you're sure to blend in enough to not get kilt.  



4 Signs You've Just Attended a Mississippi Wedding

The bride confuses her new husband for his brother...


and her uncle!


Your sister tries to lick your boyfriend...and he likes it.


...and the marriage is consummated in a bar!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Sydney Quote

I haven't had a bath in 3 days! I haven't had a bath in 3 days! I haven't had a bath in 3 days!

Then I made her bathe, and she came down with clean braided wet hair.  She rubbed the shampoo between each little overlap of hair so that it would stay braided for a few more days.  

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Ted's Religious Views

We were on the arsenal for Octoberfest yesterday and Ted saw three crosses on top of a hill.  He rolled his eyes and said, "There's where that guy that turned out to be God got hung up by a rope." 

Barret likes to turn himself into a see-saw when he pees.  Let me see if I can describe it, I'll have to put up a picture tomorrow.  He first strips down to just about nothing.  Then, he holds on to the toilet rim with both hands down by his hips.  He slowly lifts his feet off of the floor until he is suspended at about a 45 degree angle.  Then he pees while he is balanced there.  He gets really mad if you try to break his concentration.  He will be a great gymnast someday.

Here's a link to Barret's awesome new school: http://www.therileycenter.org    
Keep your fingers crossed for him to get in soon! 
 
Love, Stacy

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Sydney to her friends Emma and Hayden: "I'm a good dancer. I'm, like, a PRO-FES-SION-AL."

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Our Trip to Mississippi-Melissa's Wedding

Yay!  We had fun in Mississippi.  Cooked some hot dogs at the creek and had some of Daddy's green tea margaritas.  He must be getting old if he can't handle a full strength margarita.  The kids had a ball in the creek and so did we.  Matt got to look for arrowheads, I found some petrified fish eggs, and we all made watermellon boats.  Aunt Pansy and Uncle Pat converted MawMaw's front room into a little version of their house and it was really neat!  Natalie, Ross, Will, Ted, Barret, Sydney and Ally had a ball together.  

Luke was the preacher for the wedding.  Melissa told us about it and Shana said, "Luke is a preacher?!?"  Melissa said that we should hear that man speak.  Shana said, "He's a man?!?"  It was funny.  We got to see Jacobs kids (who look like Syndney) and his wife who is just like Aunt Nelda.  I didn't know there was anyone in the world like Aunt Nelda, but he managed to find one.  She must be related to Aunt Nelda, which I guess is okay in Mississippi.  

We executed the fastest car decoration in history, topping out at one minute.  Shana and I got to ride back in hurricane evacuation traffic.  Our 4.5 hour trip turned into near 10, but we didn't really care because we ate Mexican food at the end.  Pam, you understand.  The Three Silly Seestors love some Mexican food.  Mexicans make really good food for us.  :)  

Ted, Sydney, Barret and Ally made up words to "These are the People in our Neighborhood" for the last two hours of the trip.

refrain:
These are the people in our neighborhood,
In our neighborhood, in our neigh-bor-hood, Oh
These are the people in our neighborhood.

1st verse, sydney:
They're the people that you eat,
When you really want some meat!
They're the people that you eat,
Each daaaaaaaaay!

refrain:
These are the people in our neighborhood,
In our neighborhood, in our neigh-bor-hood, Oh
These are the people in our neighborhood.

2nd verse, Ted:
They're the people that you like,
When you really need a bike!
They're the people that you like,
Each daaaaaaaaaaay!

refrain:
These are the people in our neighborhood,
In our neighborhood, in our neigh-bor-hood, Oh
These are the people in our neighborhood.

3rd verse, Ally:
They're the people that we munch,
When we really want some lunch!
They're the people that we munch,
Each daaaaaaaaaaaaay!

refrain:
These are the people in our neighborhood,
In our neighborhood, in our neigh-bor-hood, Oh
These are the people in our neighborhood.

4th verse, Barret:
Aflac, Aflac, AFLAAAAAAAAAAC!

refrain:
These are the people in our neighborhood,
In our neighborhood, in our neigh-bor-hood, Oh
These are the people in our neighborhood.

5th verse, Sydney:
They're the people that you bake,
When you really want some cake!
They're the people that you bake,
Each daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

refrain:
These are the people in our neighborhood,
In our neighborhood, in our neigh-bor-hood, Oh
These are the people in our neighborhood.

6th verse, Ally:
They're the people that you punch,
When you really need some lunch!
They're the people that you punch,
Each daaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

refrain:
These are the people in our neighborhood,
In our neighborhood, in our neigh-bor-hood, Oh
These are the people in our neighborhood.

7th verse, Barret:
Aflac, Aflac, AFLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAC!

And so on.  

Quote of the trip:  "Are y'all okay in there?"